It has taken me many years to even realize I needed a mission. I had made my kids my mission, my job my mission, my wife my mission: all leading to an ever increasing level of dissatisfaction.
I just slogged thru life, moving from one weekend to the next, one paycheck to the next, hoping to get laid and making sure I had plenty of alcohol and crappy food ready for whichever sportsball was being played at the time.
There was this aimlessness to it all. What was the point? Why was I even alive?
I had become a good plow-horse.
My wife certainly wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy.
It was a pointless pursuit of the next Friday night. Job travel was high and that was something I found solace in.
Disappear into a different town, have a beer and some crappy food in the hotel bar, spending hours on social media and watching TV, blessed — in my own head — to think no one was going to bother me.
What was the point? No one was really happy.
One day, it all began to turn around. And it started with me.
I started getting healthy and working on my own mind. My own attitudes, my sense of purpose.
During this phase, I had discovered self-help internet sites. Eventually, my wife and I discovered our true roles as Dom and sub. That is documented on this blog in great detail so I won’t go back into it again.
But out of all this came the motivation to pay it forward. I had men in my recent and life that had helped me on my path to being my girl’s Dominant. I realized I could help others along the way.
Eventually, I discovered the self-help side of Twitter and then what is loosely referred to as the Manosphere.
I met some great men along the way.
I have broken bread with many.
I had finally found what I considered my destiny.
I’ve always known that God had some purpose for me. I knew it as a young boy as I blacked out while being confirmed into the church.
Part of my struggle for the next 30 or 40 years was deep down in the back of my brain, I knew I had not yet discovered God’s purpose. That feeling of frustration was just back beyond the event horizon of my conscious mind.
So I find myself these days living my purpose. Helping other men out of this morass is something I take great pride and pleasure in. I now feel like I’ve hit my stride at the ripe young age of 59.
So many men find themselves drowning in Total Desperation.
Suicides are at an all time high, especially for Veterans. And suicide is primarily a male problem.
It’s incumbent upon all of us to do something about it.
So whether it’s speaking on stage to a group of men, writing a blog, participating in Zoom round-tables, chatting behind the paywalls of private men’s communities, I have found my Mission.
And that Mission is to help the brothers everywhere I can reach.
One young man recently told us on a Zoom that he doesn’t think a young man can truly discover his mission until he is older. I have given that a lot of thought since then.
Another older man said he thinks the mission changes all the time. From single man to husband to father to employee, etc. I respect his opinion but I don’t agree with it.
There is this one true calling every man has. I believe that.
You keep plugging away, trying different things, looking for connections, overcoming demons, flailing around in the dark, stabbing at shadows until you finally realize why God put you on this earth.
It’s never going to be easy.
You won’t get a gilded telegram from Heaven informing you of your purpose.
You have to fight the good fight. Sometimes on your knees struggling to regain your footing. But at some point:
It hits you. There is this sweet-spot you discover. That point where your body, mind, and spirit find total congruency.
For some, it happens early. For most, it takes the struggle to reveal the mission.
Either way, I’m happy to report, I still have a lot of living to do. My mission is firmly planted in my heart.
Keep helping men in deep dark holes pull themselves up by the ropes we throw.
It’s what keeps me getting out of bed each day.
May God help you to discover your mission soon if you’re not there yet.
If you are already marching on a solid mission, a tip of the cap to you and a nod of recognition for the struggle you went through to get to this point.
No Man Left Behind