Christianity and the Dom/sub Life

The Dom/sub lifestyle is often very misunderstood.  When I gave a talk recently, one of the questions I had after was how did I reconcile being a Christian and being a Dom to my sub wife.

I paused for a brief second.  As I had mentioned in my talk, my wife and I are monogamous.  We don’t hang out with swingers or go to orgies or any of the other goofy notions people alway assign to the D/s life.

Unfortunately, the 50 Shades movie, while bringing the topic to the mainstream, also tainted the reality of what a Dom/sub life really is.  I call the movie and book, chick p@rn.  It’s erotic based fluff.

The reality is our relationship is built on Trust, Honesty, Respect, Love, Communication, and Intimacy.  I pointed out to the questioner that these terms also define a great marriage.

I do not quote scripture much but I do have a few favorites.  Ephesians Chapter 5 discuses marriage and sexual morality.

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a]

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

The kind of man I am,  I do know what I believe.  I live what I believe such that my actions should always match my words.  I find doing so to lead to great personal satisfaction and total peace of mind.

What a married couple does in their bedroom is of no concern to me.  God made sex rather amazing.  If a husband and a wife like to explore each others fantasies, I find no fault in that.  As long as these actions honor the scripture I quoted above.

As we are married a long time, spicing things up in the bedroom is great fun and keeps the relationship fresh and exciting.

The Song of Solomon in the Old Testament is one of the sexiest writings to survive the oldest of times.  You really should read it some time.

So sure, I can lead a Dom/sub relationship where I honor my girl, treat her as my greatest treasure, ravish her fully in the bedroom, and lead her well.  She serves me and our family well.  She makes our lives beautiful.  She respects my lead and I love her even more strongly for her total and complete surrender.

What more can a Christian man and woman ask for in their marriage?






Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Craig James Oct 8, 2020 @ 16:06

    Good word, brother Tex.

    • texasdom Oct 8, 2020 @ 16:33

      Thanks Craig!

  • christianwife Aug 20, 2021 @ 18:39

    It’s so refreshing to find someone who believes as my husband and I do about marriage but is wholesome and a Christian. My husband and I would call our marriage taken-in-hand and he implements discipline in the form of corporal punishment when needed. It’s so easy to find a bunch of perverts online, but it was so hard for me to find a good loving Christian man with a healthy sense of justice. My husband said he prayed for a wife and believes God made me for him. I don’t know how much time you have to check your email, but I sent you an email a while back and hope it didn’t go to your spam box.

    • texasdom Aug 22, 2021 @ 7:57

      Thank you for your comments. I didn’t see your email but will look for it.

  • A Hopeful Husband Nov 21, 2021 @ 15:56

    Thanks for sharing this @texasdom

    I’m a lifelong Christian man, and after 20 years of marriage my wife has brought up her interest in a Dom-sub lifestyle. (This isn’t the first time she’s mentioned it. The first time was a few years ago, and back then I dismissed the idea without learning anything about the lifestyle.)

    I especially appreciate the following statement you made:
    “The reality is our relationship is built on Trust, Honesty, Respect, Love, Communication, and Intimacy.”
    My wife and I have built out marriage on the same aspects, but we have often struggled in one or more aspects (never love or trust), particularly with communication, and we have both long desired a deeper intimacy. Sadly, these and other marital issues have brought us to the point of divorce.

    I regret my former narrow view, which I now describe as an OCD-like religiosity. (I’ve learned that there’s actually a term for this: scrupulosity.)

    Thankfully, I’ve finally found release from what felt like being shackled and have found a new freedom, finally being in control of my own mind, as I think the Lord has always intended. (When this change happened, it felt as if a too-tight metal cap had been removed from my brain.) This intervention came from a combination of diagnosis of and treatment for both anxiety and ADD (diagnosed at 45), counseling, many years of prayers and being prayed over by others, and a shock to our marriage.

    Now I realize that I’ve been depriving my wife of what she’s wanted and needed from me. Now it may be too late for us. (I’m praying for a miracle, at this point.)

    One reason I’m writing this post is to encourage the next uncertain husband. I first came across this site months ago, and was still very hesitant to get out of my head and lead my wife from my heart.

    “Husbands, love your wives…” Eph..5:25a
    “… rejoice in the wife of your youth…” Prov. 5:18

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