In case there was ever any doubt…
For those of you who missed my last email, I spoke at this past weekend’s 21 Convention: Patriarch Edition. This was the first event of its kind anywhere that I know of.
The men attending where the true stars of the show. So many men told me their stories. Stories of personal triumphs and devastating lows. One man’s story of the loss of his wife and how he’s raising his kids literally brought a tear to my eye.
Why would I tell you I had a tear in my eye?
Because that’s who I am. I get emotional. I am passionate. When I’m listening to another passionate man telling me his struggle, it hits me hard. I empathize whether I want to or not. And because what we talk about is always private, I simple don’t care if he or anyone else sees that tear.
I can see myself in his shoes way too easily.
Because losing a wife I love dearly is something I will likely have to deal with one day. I do not want that day to come. And yet, I hope I don’t go first. I’m not sure she would fare too well without me. I can handle it. Men do that.
I hope we both hit 100 years old.
Growing old is a reward that is denied to most.
But I digress…
I met men who had overcome all odds and were truly winning as fathers, leaders, husbands and Patriarchs. Their stories inspire me to do better even as grandfathering has become a bit more in my focus than fathering. Once you have grandkids, your kids become a little less important.
You never stop loving them.
But hey, let’s face it. They are adults. These little kids we call grand kids are truly grand. They can be the reward for many. A chance to correct mistakes you made with your own kids. It’s generational mentorship. There is a special place in all our hearts for our grandparents. Well, I guess some folks had shitty grandparents. I will try to not paint with too broad a brush.
One of the speakers was Elliot Hulse. He and his dad took the stage Sunday AM. It was an amazing hour listening to his father talk about fatherhood. His enthusiasm, passion and emotion struck a chord with all.
Key takeaway from Mr Hulse for me: “Stop worrying about everything you can’t control and live your life!” (I’m paraphrasing.) His many life lessons were something.
There were so many other speakers that really passed on some great tips for parenting.
Let’s be totally honest here.
My two kids are grown and gone. These men speaking about things they do with their kids, well, some of it hit me in the gut. A punch that takes the air from your lungs. Opportunities missed.
I don’t live my life concentrating on regrets. But I do recognize the times I failed, the times I could have done better. But this is why God gives us grandkids! Second chances.
One of my biggest meta lessons absorbed and one I love to repeat…
There is always time for Redemption.
But one should get after the process immediately.
Most men here still had kids in their homes, even if it was only every other weekend and Tuesday night. Stories of divorce trauma and the fall out of our total shitshow family law system.
I never really understood these tales until I watched my own daughter and son in law divorce. 3 grandkids fought over. Likely no worse than the fights their mom and dad had for several years leading up to the split.
The theme of my talk was “Heavy is the Head that wears the Crown”.
It will hit YouTube at some point. After so many speakers before me were uplifting and encouraging, it was time for me to take it down a bit.
Let’s get to work, men.
I settled on this image of the Warrior King. His armor is dirty and a bit ragged. His sword has blood on it still. He’s on one knee, exhausted, head bowed but not defeated.
This is how a Father will feel at some point. Fending off those enemies bent on his family’s destruction. Taking arrows and dents to his shield.
Let’s face it, with today’s Feminist Imperative, Social Justice Warriors, Main Stream Media all trying to destroy the family, you men with younger children have it way more difficult than I did 30 years ago.
My point was to caution men to be ready for this day. Perhaps your child doesn’t turn out the way you wished. Perhaps it’s the ugly divorce. Perhaps it personal financial ruin and the inability to provide for your family. So many unknowns but it’s a near certainty that a Father will feel like this Warrior King.
He was victorious but at what cost?
Real life stuff. This is where a man finds out who he is. So easy to talk a good game with your buddies. Billy BadAss, especially with a few pints in his gut. But when your name is called, how will you respond?
None of us knows. So we train. We prepare. We lead our families every day. No days off. We keep pressing Play. We never give ourselves the luxury of taking our foot off the gas.
How do we lead our families as Red Pill Aware men?
For starters, you prepare them for how to date and choose their potential partners. You teach your sons that it’s okay to wait till 30 to marry, or to not marry at all. Marriage isn’t a great deal for men these days. Eyes Wide Open. I also believe if you’re having kids, marriage can be a good thing. Most of that depends on if she’s living in your frame or not.
You teach your daughters to value their femininity. To not let just anyone deflower them. A little girl that values herself is less likely to succumb to all the pressures young women face these days. Most girls want men like their Daddy. If you are a great man, she will seek out a great man when the time is right. That’s firmly on you.
It’s the reality of life. The divorce rate is at least 50% and most often initiated by women. How does a Red Pill man stay married and be his family’s Patriarch?
I have good news.
All the things we talk about apply here. Leading that wife and family begins with leading oneself. If you are trying to constantly level up and improve, your girl is going to notice.
You’re going to learn to tell her no. You make sure her needs are more important to you than her wants.
Your time with her in your bedroom is passionate and you’re a strong leader there as well. Most women want to feel ravished by their man. If you are not making her feel ravished, then Ken in Sales will one day. Or the father down the street with the ripped arms who coaches your little Kevin in baseball because Kevin’s father would rather sit in the stands.
There are some marriages which truly should not be saved.
There’s line for the haters. But when one party has lost total trust with the other and doesn’t care to be a part of any rebuilding, there is no other choice but to bail out. We all have a rip cord. If two people are trying to make it better, there’s a great chance of success. You can get past a lot of crap if you both are trying to improve.
It’s up to us men to lead the improvement. She either tries to catch up and stay with you or she doesn’t. That’s on her. Not you. The day you can look her in the eye and say something like “Hey, I want you to be here with me but I’ll be okay without you.” is the day you will feel free.
You don’t have to be a dick about it.
But she needs to know that she has to do her part.
“But Tex, I don’t want to leave my kids”. Yeah, she knows that and works that angle every chance she gets.
And there is your handcuffs.
We all ask ourselves, are the kids better growing up with a single parent versus two parents who live as enemies? I believe it’s the former.
Family court being what it is, chances are far greater she gets the kids and you’re writing the check. But that isn’t written in stone. I know many men who have won custody.
Don’t auto default to a defeatist position. At least try for co-parenting 50/50 custody. One week at your house, one week at hers. This is becoming more prevalent these days.
Don’t give up on yourself. A man who gives up on himself loses all touch with what it is to be a man. If you have kids, you can never give up on them either.
Sometimes you might not like them very much but you will always love them.
They need to know this.
Until next time, keep pressing Play.