Fear of the Unknown

Fear is a powerful emotion.

Fear causes anxiety.

Many men spend most of their life worrying about things that simply will never happen.

Having studied Mathematics in University, I have been taught how to analyze real life problems.  Most say, “Why study math?  I’ll never use it.”

I see calculus problems in real life all the time.  Our natural abilities to examine situations can be enhanced with math and physics training.

When you look at a problem from all six sides, you try to see the possible causes of the current situation.  Finding a cause can help us prevent making the same mistakes again.  This is how we learn.

All that said, looking at a problem from all six sides isn’t enough to map out the future.  The issue with the future is that there are literally infinitesimal possibilities of things that can but won’t happen.

And yet, we tend to focus on all these hypothetical possible outcomes.  And, the smarter you are, the more vivid your imagination will be.  Geez, we focus on all these shit outcomes and never give a lot of love to the ones that will make our lives better.

Why is that?

Think about all the energy wasted on these possible outcomes.  This is where fear begins to take hold.  Eventually we will just never want to leave the house.  Too many bad outcomes out there.

And yet, your own house can kill you.  Take a bad fall getting out of the shower and break your neck for instance.  Happens every day to someone.

Fear will paralyze your life.

I tend to focus a lot of my thoughts on relationships because relationships are such a huge part of all our lives.  We men need a tribe.  We thrive on real live interactions with others.  We are social beasts.

Many men live in fear of the relationship unknown.  Slaves to the relationship.

I have found if you spend a lot of time worrying about where your relation is headed, you’ll just sit around fretting, wringing your hands, loading up on booze and pills trying to numb your overactive imagination.   Fastest way to kill the spark of attraction.  Now you really have trouble.

Relationships will all end one day.  For many of us, especially folks like me married 30+ years, it will end in death of one of us.  But that’s a huge assumption.  If both keep putting in work on the lives they share together, death will be the end.

I think when it comes to most stuff in life, you have to simply cut down all the fearful possibilities and concentrate on what the very worst outcome might be.  How would you recover from that?  What’s the plan?

Own that worst outcome.  Get familiar with it.  Now figure out what to do to avoid it.  Often that’s out of your hands at all.  So we all prepare for the worst.  Now put that in a little box and stick it in a safe place in your mind.  You can’t ignore it.  You can’t make it go away completely, but you can compartmentalize it.

If you live in your own frame, no matter what the rest of the world does to you, you remain you.  Think about this.  The world should revolve around you.  This sounds narcissistic?  Sure, why not.  It’s Red Pill 101.  You must be your own mental point of origin.  

Now go live for today.

I’ve read many times, worrying about the past is the cause of depression.  Worrying about the future is the cause of anxiety.

Stop numbing your mind and your soul.  Look for something or someone today that makes you smile.  Spend some time with it or them.  Enjoy the day.

Spending so much time worrying about a future when you might die tomorrow is such a waste of today.   Plan for the future but live for today.  Fear of the unknown is crippling and counterproductive.

Life can be fun if you get out of your own way.

If you’re having trouble with any of this stuff, I answer all my emails.  I’m not a professional mental health expert and sometimes we need those.  But I have been through a lot of shit in my life and maybe I can offer a few words of encouragement.

Peace to you this Remembrance Day.

— Tex

P.S.  When I was searching for a photo to add to this post, I saw the following advice several times:  “Replace Fear of the Unknown with Curiosity”.   Very interesting advice.  Something to consider in all this.

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