Sometimes it feels like you are in a battle. The artillery shells are flying overhead, outbound noise blocking out all other sounds. At the same time, inbound rounds whiz past your helmet. All hell is breaking loose. Death is marching towards you…
The key to acting as a concerted force of war is communication. Military forces are designed to blow stuff up and kill people. It requires coordination. Comms are vital in war.
Comms are also crucial in relationships.
In the Dominance and submissive world, communication is crucial. When a man states, “I just do what the hell I want. She can follow along or kiss my ass,” I wonder if he’s ever really trusted someone enough to actually tell them what he wants?
The Dom is expected to call the shots. However, it’ll be rather ineffective if there is no sub there to listen. There is no yin if yang has packed up and shacked up with Chad.
We all have needs. We all have wants. We all have desires.
There is no magic spell that allows each other to read minds. Yet, we all expect that significant other to understand me so damn well that they can read my mind. Faulty assumptions lead to huge errors.
That’s not communication. That’s blind ass luck if it works out for you.
Let’s say I have her tied up. She is gagged. She can’t speak. How is she supposed to let me know the blood is cut off in her wrist and serious damage is about to become a permanent issue? We think these things through in the D/s world. We set up signals. We plan ahead. We communicate on how the hell we will communicate.
That’s something anyone can understand. That’s a real world example in these things we do. We can all visualize that tightly bound wrist, the bluish tinge of the fingertips, the sub’s struggle…
So, why is it so damn hard to understand that communication outside a bedroom scene is any less important when serious damage is about to become a permanent issue?
This is a true head scratcher. What I have learned is if I ask the right questions and shut the hell up, she always has all my answers. Well, that’s not sounding so Dominant, Sir Tex… (You don’t understand Dominants obviously but stick around, I’ll help you figure it out eventually.)
For us, especially D/s couples, Communication is a cornerstone of any solid relationship. She is turning over all her power to you. She is expecting you to care for her in every way. Emotionally as well. She will give you so damn much back and will do all she can to rock your world. This isn’t just the big things, this is all the little tiny stuff that most men simply are too busy to notice.
Drop her in the hot emotional coals of confusion and self doubt and eventually you’ll put out her fire.
You’ve got to talk about what each other needs but more importantly you have to listen. The Dom has to play his sub like a concert violin virtuoso. She’s an instrument in your hands. Both in the bedroom and out.