Okay buttercup, you wanted into this Dominance/submission thing. Why? For most, the prospects of a man getting his sexual appetite satiated is a huge draw initially. Then the work starts…
I have heard story after story about D/s couples that are no longer living D/s. Lots of reasons why it failed, however, it normally comes down to one partner not pulling their weight in this Total Power Exchange.
Often, it’s the sub asking her man to become her Dom. The honeymoon is back. Rockin and rollin in and out of the bedroom. Then the new Dom takes his foot off the gas. “I got this on lock down.” Yeah, sure you do.
It’s an evolving dynamic. She’s not a “set and forget” kitchen utensil. There is so much give and take, especially early on. Each partner trying to figure out this intricate D/s dance. The Dom is the leader. He charts the course. He shouldn’t make it up on the fly.
On the flip side, the new sub often gets “sub frenzy”! She’s read all the books and has this painfully delicate fantasy in her head on how this is all supposed to play out. Real life gets in the way. Kids get sick. The car breaks down. Life stressors hit. Now all in a sudden, her new Dom is not living up to the expectations set by some fantasy writer. The D/s train derails.
No good discussion on the Dominance/submissive lifestyle can be had without the topic of Communication coming up. If ever there was a time to declare you are both incapable of reading each other’s minds, that time is now!
“But if he really understood me, he would know what I want.” Really? Did you marry The Amazing Kreskin? (did anyone get that reference?)
You gotta talk it all out. Set yourselves up for success. Have you ever asked her how she pleasures herself? Every asked her to show you? Want to learn more about her kinky thoughts? You’re going to have to ask her.
You are the Dom. You are expected to dictate how this conversation plays out and how often. She should also feel comfortable enough to call a “Time Out” and express what she is needing. It should not have to be said, but this time, she can speak her mind, respectfully. No repercussions.
Ask the right questions and then shut up and listen. You’ll stay on track far longer and get to experience the long term satisfaction that comes from living this lifestyle.
She is expecting you to lead her. You owe it to her to give it your best. Because, she will be giving your her best in return. Upward spirals are an amazing thing.