As previously mentioned, my girl and I managed to almost completely derail our marriage a few years ago and came out in a (new to us) Dominant and submissive lifestyle. We live it 24/7. Some days are better than others. Don’t let anyone fool you about their perfect D/s. If you live with a real woman, you’re going to go through a few ups and downs. Some refer to them as shit tests.
Early in our journey down this new path, I read about something called Red Pill Awareness. This is a not part of the kink community. In fact, early on, one of the more experienced Doms in a group I belonged to at the time, dismissed it out of hand as being “angry women haters.”
From what I had read, it was actually quite in line with my lifestyle. Why was he so threatened? I’ll never have the answer to that one. Insecurity, I reckon.
In a D/s, the Dom leads his sub. He tends to her physically and emotionally. In return she meets his needs in her manner. Both agree to the terms and conditions.
We talk about frame a lot in Red Pill land. In D/s, our girls are asking to live in our frame. They are 100% requesting to be led, shepherded if you will, cared for under our guidance.
Most Red Pill guys are working to maintain frame as well. It’s a superpower. Controlling your emotions and responses to life are huge. But most men need to do this and not be overt about it. Iron Rule of Tomassi #1.
Our ladies are expecting us to hold frame. And, brother, when we don’t, you will see it immediately in their unspoken behavior. And sometimes it’s spoken. And, that’s okay. Your girl’s behavior reflects your frame in a D/s relationship and I’d venture to say in most other LTR and married situations.
There are hard-wired behaviors all humans have built into their DNA or as I like to say, in our little lizard brains. It’s tough to defeat millions of years of evolution. It’s one of the reasons that body language experts are so damn good at what they do. In some aspects, all men are the same, all women are the same.
Inevitably someone will poke their head into the conversation with one outlier example to prove any theory wrong. It’s as predictable as watching ice melt.
So, Red Pill is simply an awareness of human behaviors. It is not a lifestyle. It points out how the world works in many ways. One will often initially deny it but after the evidence keeps popping up right under your nose, you soon acquiesce. You accept it for what it is and move on with your life.
D/s, on the other hand, is a lifestyle. One that leads to increased intimacy and trust. It’s a demanding role for both. Both Dom and sub live their lives in congruency with their true natures. When we get aligned with who we are as individuals, we are happier. When a couple gets aligned with who they are, life gets very fun for both.
We acknowledge only one person can drive the bus at a time. Many couples fail because both continually try to wrestle for the steering wheel. We all know that will lead to a crash, possible a fatal one.
Someone needs to lead, the other follows. It’s hard-wired in our DNA as well.
So, one final point. I was with several hundred men recently, most would self-identify as Red Pill Aware. I didn’t meet one “woman-hater” in the bunch. On the contrary, we love women. (Okay, maybe not all of them.) Don’t make assumptions based on haters.