This D/s Stuff is Hard Work

Okay buttercup, you wanted into this Dominance/submission thing.  Why?  For most, the prospects of a man getting his sexual appetite satiated is a huge draw initially.  Then the work starts…

I have heard story after story about D/s couples that are no longer living D/s.  Lots of reasons why it failed, however, it normally comes down to one partner not pulling their weight in this Total Power Exchange.

Often, it’s the sub asking her man to become her Dom.  The honeymoon is back.  Rockin and rollin in and out of the bedroom.  Then the new Dom takes his foot off the gas.  “I got this on lock down.”  Yeah, sure you do.

It’s an evolving dynamic.  She’s not a “set and forget” kitchen utensil.  There is so much give and take, especially early on.  Each partner trying to figure out this intricate D/s dance.  The Dom is the leader.  He charts the course.  He shouldn’t make it up on the fly.

On the flip side, the new sub often gets “sub frenzy”!  She’s read all the books and has this painfully delicate fantasy in her head on how this is all supposed to play out.  Real life gets in the way.  Kids get sick.  The car breaks down.  Life stressors hit.  Now all in a sudden, her new Dom is not living up to the expectations set by some fantasy writer.  The D/s train derails.

No good discussion on the Dominance/submissive lifestyle can be had without the topic of Communication coming up.  If ever there was a time to declare you are both incapable of reading each other’s minds, that time is now!

“But if he really understood me, he would know what I want.”  Really?  Did you marry The Amazing Kreskin?  (did anyone get that reference?)

You gotta talk it all out.  Set yourselves up for success.  Have you ever asked her how she pleasures herself?  Every asked her to show you?  Want to learn more about her kinky thoughts?  You’re going to have to ask her.

You are the Dom.  You are expected to dictate how this conversation plays out and how often.  She should also feel comfortable enough to call a “Time Out” and express what she is needing.  It should not have to be said, but this time, she can speak her mind, respectfully.  No repercussions.

Ask the right questions and then shut up and listen.  You’ll stay on track far longer and get to experience the long term satisfaction that comes from living this lifestyle.

She is expecting you to lead her.  You owe it to her to give it your best.  Because, she will be giving your her best in return.  Upward spirals are an amazing thing.

6 comments

  1. I enjoy reading your perspective and I appreciate the realness you bring to the table. My relationship is the complete opposite, meaning I’ve considered and have a strong interest in incorporating a D/s lifestyle within my relationship. I’m up for the challenge and feel it would enhance our relationship.

    Like

  2. “She is expecting you to lead her. You owe it to her to give it your best.”

    This line is gold. Neither require a D/s relationship to be true, though a D/s lifestyle brings this truth to the forefront in a manner that’s impossible to miss.

    Women want a man to lead them. No matter how much they say otherwise, it’s only a compliance test to see if you’re man enough to resume your rightful role in the relationship. Unless they’re a man-hating feminist. In which case, they still have the innate desire to be led. They just put up a much greater defense mechanism against it. Who would want to pair up with a feminist anyway?

    If you don’t give your wife your best as a leader who maintains frame more often than he breaks it, you’re playing with fire. A man who doesn’t lead is a man who will soon be resented. Fair or not.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “If ever there was a time to declare you are both incapable of reading each other’s minds, that time is now!”

    Absolutely. The crystal ball is cracked in half, so words have to be exchanged. Not magical hoping or guesswork on how the other is feeling.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s