I write much on helping others but I also write on Dominant/submissive relationships (D/s). And in my mind, they are both very related.
Men can learn much about leading their families by studying how to be a Dominant in a relationship. Many are naturally Dominant and many are not. But there are many D/s things a man can incorporate into his relationship even if his girl runs away screaming at the notion of being submissive.
I believe nearly all women have a submissive side, the man has to draw it out. Polar opposites attract, like two magnets. When both parties try to be equal in every single facet of their lives together, I believe the spark that polarity brings gets lost. This leads to sexless marriages and bitterness/discontent with at least one partner.
My girl is fulfilled in one aspect by serving me and our family. She makes things nice. She takes care of all around her in her girly or motherly way as the case may be.
This morning, I was out working hard in the yard, sweating thru the high humidity Texas heat. Yes, hot as hell at 10AM.
She comes out and brings me a bottle of cold water. I”m hauling 40lb bags of soil and was loaded down. I told her no, not right now. Instantly, I could see the disappointment in her eye. Our goal is to live our D/s 24/7 every days. And yet, I get wrapped up in my own stuff and lose sight of how important it is to allow her to serve.
So I look back around and she’s standing near me, head down, eyes averted, water offered in both hands outwardly stretched in a Gorean slave girl pose. How can any man say no to that?
Rewind: That last paragraph didn’t happen. It has happened many times before in our relationship, but not today. She was hot and tired too. She’s been in a lot of pain due to some medical issues that have kicked her ass for the last 3 months. Reality is she got her feelings hurt and snapped back at me.
That’s real life folks. D/s provides a solid set of tools to help keep a marriage on track, fun and exciting. However, it’s not all floggers, blindfolds and restraints. It’s real life, girl in pain, both of hot and tired and her frustrations boiled over.
I stopped what I was doing and walked over to her and we spoke quietly for a few minutes. I acknowledged her gift of service and she smiled.
We err, we course correct and we move on. We don’t linger on missteps. We deal with them and they are over and done with.
So, I’ll try to summarize. The concepts of a D/s relationship can be implemented into any marriage with great success. You don’t have to call it D/s, just start acting Dominant.
How? Don’t expect crazy BDSM sex but do be Dominant in the bedroom and do be vocal while you’re doing it. Take charge. Tell her what you want her to do. Tell her how beautiful she is while she’s doing what you ask. Tell her how pleased you are as she’s doing it.
Don’t ask her all the silly little decision-making questions you have been asking. Decide where you’re going to eat out, for instance. She likely has to make decisions all day long while you’re gone or while she’s at work. Take the pressure off.
Lower your voice when you speak to her, it projects calm. When my voice pitch rises, girl knows I’m stressed and she gets stressed too.
When you put your hand on her knee driving, no limp wrist dead hand. Grab that knee with enough pressure so she knows you’re there.
Open the car door for her and insist she walk close to you for her own protection.
Talk up how sexy she is all the time, especially whisper it to her when the situation is totally inappropriate.
Do some of the crazy stuff you used to do when you were first dating. Spice it up!
It’s all little subtle things but over a period of time, they will add up. Lead your girl, be decisive, be masculine and live your mission. This will allow her the space to be her feminine self and you will see her blossom into the woman/girl/wife you always wanted her to be.