Internalizing Guilt: the submissive edition

I will never say, “all women are like this”.  Too broad a brush.  I take it personally when I hear women say, “all men are like this”.  Such an easy cop out.

My curvey and I had come home from the beach the other day after a long and wonderful weekend at the beach.  As the month of May was beginning and I’m involved in a month-long physique changing challenge with many other men in our Fraternity of Excellence, I hit the scale to record my starting weight.

She could see it in my eyes.  I weighed in a few lbs more than I had thought I would be.  She said “good or bad?”  I said the first thing off the top of my ever-so-slightly-frustrated head, “I ate like crap all weekend and there’s the proof.”

I could see a bit of hurt in her otherwise sparkling blue eyes with the flakes of gold, her beautiful and full lower lip start to quiver into the beginnings of a pout.  Uh oh.  What did I just say?

She said defensively, “Sir, I fed you very well this week. I made you healthy meals and took great care of you.”.  And the truth?  She did.

My frustrations with a meaningless number on a scale were totally unfounded.  I have made incredible progress over the last 5 years and especially in the last 6 months.  I had to pause for a second.

“You are right you did make excellent meals.  I was the one that pulled the brownies out of the freezer.”  (She will bake cookies or brownies and then freeze about 3/4 of the batch into small portions so we don’t eat them all at once!)

“I was the one that chose to drink Scotch or have a few beers.  You did your part, I didn’t follow thru and do my part.”

Her face started to relax a bit.  Such a pretty face, I never want to be the cause of any distress (unless it’s in a planned-out sexy as hell bedroom scene!).

Why did I just type all that?

Because the smallest things we say as Doms can affect our subs greatly, in ways we don’t often understand at first.  She started to feel guilty for no reason, like I was accusing her of sabotaging my health.  She started to react defensively.  Her subbie skills were under attack!

When I make a statement about me or many other things relating to us, she internalizes it.  It becomes “about her”.

“What did I do wrong to make him feel like this?”  I call it internalizing guilt.  Maybe it has a better label.

Again, not all women are like this but I imagine that most submissive are like this. They want to please their man.  They want to feed their Dom, not only meals, but other things that allow them to show their man they love him.  What more caring and loving thing can she do for me but to prepare excellent tasty and healthy meals?  Or a well-timed massage after a rough day?

Sure, D/s couples love to focus on the kinky sex (and in my case, the amazing blowjobs!)  but that is all just the icing on the cake.  (Dammit, now I want some cake!)

Once again, a recurring them on my blog posts… Words Matter.

7 comments… add one
  • missvioletgrey23 May 6, 2018 @ 9:11

    Really interesting read Sir Tex 🙂

  • naughtynora May 6, 2018 @ 13:36

    Great post, Sir Tex!

  • Curveycatsub May 7, 2018 @ 8:24

    Sometimes it’s mind Blowing when I stop by. You know my heart, soul and imperfections !
    It brings me Joy that we both share openly, honestly about a Real DomsubMarriage! There are so many Flavors/ one size does not fit all. Make your Ds your Own Happily Ever After ^^

    • Sir Tex May 7, 2018 @ 8:45

      We are an open book. Successes and failures.

      People that only post their greatest hits should stick to Fakebook. It’s the norm there.

  • asecretdreamerawaits Jun 16, 2018 @ 22:25

    Very wise.

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