Rules, Rules, Rules

One of the things I read about with most couples that get into a Dominant/submissive relationship, especially if they go 24/7, are the establishment of rules.  Often, this is so foreign and new to couples.  Many of us were married for years and basically no rules for the most part.  Now we want rules, lots of ’em!

It’s a wild world we’ve entered.  Girls, in their desire to please their Sirs, will often want a bunch of rules.  They want to show off.  They want to be good girls.  You might scoff at this comment, but I read it over and over.  At least with couples that are truly living D/s and not just fantasizing about it on the internet, Walter Mitty style.

Rules can be fun for both in that many couples have “funishments” to put into play when a rule is broken.  This can be fun, but can really lead to a brat.  Bratty subs will do what they can to get in trouble like a child.  They want attention and look forward to the fun spanking or whatever her Dom has in place.  I, personally, have a sub that has a touch of innocent little in her.  I love all of her but that innocent little is one of my favorite parts of her.  It always has been.  Even before I knew what a little was.

I don’t want to live with a brat.   I’ve raised a daughter thru teen years.  I’m done with that type of personality in my home.  If my girl breaks a rule, she knows the full extent of what is in store for her and the word “fun” is not part of it.  I’m a benevolent dictator.  But I’m not a Sadist.  I do not enjoy inflicting excruciating pain.  So our punishments are a bit more skewed to the mental aspects of disappointment.

But rules, rules, rules.   “Let’s have 30 rules please.  Please sir?”  No.  Do I want to enjoy life with my sub or do I want to be a task master and rule enforcer?  I’ll pass.  I’ve got better things to do with my life without having to keep track of a million rules and punishments.  If your D/s isn’t fun, it won’t last a lifetime.  And that is the goal for me, a lifetime of respect, trust, communication, transparency and love.  Anything less would be a waste of what breaths she and I both have left.

So, we have kept it to three rules:

  1. When I call “baby doll”, she is to answer “Sir?”

  2. We treat and speak to each other in respectful voices at all times, no exceptions.

  3. All her orgasms belong to me (have to mix in a bit of sexy fun, right?)

The first rule she questioned at first.  She needed to understand why this was important. My curvey has at tendency to get distracted by shiny objects.  A task, a project, a beautiful vision, etc.  It’s part of that innocent little child in her.  Our first rule focuses her on me.  This is a big deal for me.  I want to look a person in the eye and know that I have their full attention before I use my words.  My words are like currency and I only will spend them wisely.

Our second rule comes from the several of many years of a suffering marriage.  Often I’ve seen others as well, only lash out at the ones that will take it on willingly.  Perhaps not intentionally but it happens.  You only hurt the ones you love.  True with barbed words. Things said between unhappy married couples in private can be biting and poisonous.  The only way we were going to correct our course was to always speak to each other in respectful tones.  When one of us deviates momentarily, the other will stop speaking and gently remind.  This has been a lifesaver for us.

Finally, the third rule is fun.  This needs to be fun.  If I’m traveling and she wishes to masturbate, she has to phone me and ask permission.  This can lead to another entire subset of fun for us.  Texts, pictures, silly stuff, sexy stuff.  But it’s just a lot of fun.  In bed, she is to ask as well.  Sometimes she does better than other times.  There are times where I’ve seen her fall out of the moment a bit by having to ask permission to orgasm.  But all in all, we make this one work for us in a fun way.

That’s it.  No more rules to enforce.  Punishments are centered around the knowledge that I’m disappointed.  It’s powerful stuff.

Have fun, stay kinky my friends.

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