I am not Toxic

I keep hearing and reading that men are toxic.  And it seems the most particularly virulent strain are white men.  This narrative has grown increasingly loud to the point where I can no longer be silent.  I will not be defined by anyone except myself.

I am my family’s Leader.

I am my wife’s Lover.

I am my children’s Father.

I am my girl’s Warrior.

I am my Curvey’s Sir.

I am not Toxic.

Not in any way, shape or form.  I strive daily to be a better man, a stronger leader, a positive force in a world of low standards and even lower morals.  I want to set the best of examples to all around me.

The world is now so highly polarized.  The power brokers out there want us all divided and paying attention to the wrong things.  Let’s pit white versus black, liberal versus conservative, youth versus old, men versus women:  seemingly anything that will distract.

The Toxic Masculinity narrative is one that bothers me.  Instead of focusing on what is good about all women, the attack is what is wrong with all men.

I love women.  I love everything women and femininity are and strive to be.  I support women who want to work 9-5 and strike their own path in life.  I also support and love women who wish to stay home, raise kids and make their immediate world a nicer place.  There is room for all.

And yet, the Feminist Imperative does not believe this.  The stay home Wife and Mother is made to feel less of a woman when in truth, it’s the hardest “job” in the world.  Raising kids well is hard.  Keeping order in the home is a challenge.

I know which type woman I want to be with and that’s my personal choice   A woman who wants to be First Mate and not Captain is not any less of a woman.  If it makes her happy to serve, who has a right to judge her?

I express my masculinity by my actions, choices, writings, hobbies, etc.  If that offends anyone, I can handle it.  But to label me as Toxic seems to be a cheap attack on a man they simply don’t know.  If you want to know who I am, talk with me.  Or ask my amazing girl.

The essence of sexual energy distills down to the polar opposites of masculinity and femininity.  This is where the spark is formed.  Any bomb guy will tell you to explode something, you need fuel and an ignition source.  Volatile reactions will not occur when mixing two like substances.

If we are all trying to be equal or the same, the spark can’t/won’t happen.  In early relationships, the fire burns.  We can’t leave each other alone.  Then something happens…

Some women want to change their man, make him “better” or perhaps more domesticated.  There are countless TV sitcoms and movies over the years that attempt to make this funny.   The man is the butt of all the jokes.  Women are subconsciously instructed to emasculate their men.

So a women hears this or perhaps sees her mom treat her dad like this and decides this is how it’s supposed to be.

If her new husband goes along with it, he starts to lose his masculine side.  Caving in becomes a habit.  It gets easier as he gets increasingly lazy.  “Happy wife, happy life!” he finds himself repeating, not understanding why he is miserable.

Both begin to wonder where the passion went.  She starts to lose respect and wonder where her man has gone?  She has no idea that it’s a combination of her nagging and his laziness.  He “won” the girl, now he stops any effort to keep winning her.

Equality in relationship matters is the true Toxicity.  Divorce rates will remain high until society starts to recognize that masculinity and femininity are both a great thing and should be celebrated, not shunned.

Embrace who you are, not who you are told to be.  You don’t have to be Alpha or Dominant, not every man will be.  But don’t attack me if that’s who I am.  I am not Toxic.

2 comments

    1. Baby Doll,

      Not personally to me but to men as a whole. I have read and heard so much of this lately and I’ve had enough. These folks paint with too broad a brush. I won’t stand by and remain silent.

      Sir

      Like

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