How kinky are we?

BDSM, huh?   Bondage, discipline, Sadism, Masochism, Dominant, submissive. Master, slave, Daddy, little girl, etc.  If someone was to ask me, “What is BDSM?” I would have to think carefully how to answer without taking up 3 hours.   I’m not sure an answer exists.

Is it the kink?  Is it the protocols?  Is it the implements like floggers, violet wands, riding crops, etc?  Is it videos?  Is it public playspace events held at private homes and dungeons?

I find it interesting my girl and I gave off little kinky clues to each other all during our marriage.  Never clued into it.  We never really explored it to any degree at all until we entered into our 24/7 Dominant/submissive lives together.

It takes a lot of earned trust to explore each other’s sexual sides.  It’s been huge fun these last couple of years.  We did get slowed down a bit by illness but picked back up again in exploring the various flavors together.  I wrote a post on Gorean slave a while back. We certainly have enjoyed that particular flavor. However, I wouldn’t apply a 24/7 Master/slave label to our relationship.

At the root of all our exploration and intimacy, we seem to always settle back into our default 24/7 Dominant/submissive selves.  It has become a very comfortable place for us. I did not say complacent or predictable.  It’s who we’ve always been; we compliment each other best by being our true selves.

Love it or hate it, the 50 Shades movies brought a lot of this mainstream.   If you and your girl watched this movie and were aroused, perhaps it’s worth further exploration.

There are many BDSM limit lists on the internet, easy search.  Print one out and carve out some alone time to discuss.  You’ll probably have to google some of the terms. You will both laugh at some things.  She will probably say “oh hell no!” on some stuff.  Some things to try will move to the top of the list!

As a survivor of Dead Bedroom Syndrome, I can assure you if you approach Sex the same way every time, she will end up with a script in her head. She will know exactly what you are going to do next.  You’ll both get bored.  It’s the kiss of death. I made every mistake there was to make.

Exploring your kinkier thoughts together can lead to some seriously diverse bedroom play.  When we go to bed now, I want her mind racing as to what I’m going to do to her next. If is something new, we will talk about it first. Sudden sexual surprises don’t work for us.  Maybe for others, that’s fine.

Women are verbal.  I’ve never been a big talker in bed.  I have to really work on it.  But now with a blindfold on her, I can create a narrative that will get me into her head and this is where it gets fun.  Plus the blindfold keeps her guessing (and not see me fumbling around in the candlelight!)

Explore and enjoy.  We’ve seen some things at the local dungeon that aren’t for us. Didn’t arouse either of us even slightly. But others there were enthusiastic voyeurs. Great fun to talk about it during and after.

Spice it up and don’t be predictable if you want it to keep the sexual energy high.

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